Damn, love or lust. Damn, all of us.
Give me a run for my money. Yeah, that’s what everybody did for me. You’d never catch me saying “Niggas ain’t shit” because each and every one did SOMETHING for me. Give me a run for my money. Yeah, that’s what you did for me. A summer romance that turned into heaven for me. Love is joy and pain. We hurt…but we can’t ever negate…that person made us happy. I’ll never negate passionate eyes gazing and long talks about our dreams. I’ll never regret me finding you and you falling for me.
Just love me. That’s all I ever wanted from each of them…and everyone around me. Somewhere along the way, I got so high up…so high up…just to feel lonely. So high up…so lonely…and I just wanted someone to love me. I give and give…trying to make sure everyone else is happy. But, then I found myself balled up on the bathroom floor, alone, and crying. Unhappy. Because once again, I pitched the one thing that could make ME happy in the hands of someone else. I threw away…ME. I always say my biggest fear is a wedding ring…or the feeling that someone is trapping me. Truth is…no one can trap me…without my permission. Truth is…no one can take away what makes me, ME…what makes me free. The depths of my soul cry out to me, “Dia, just love me.
If I didn’t ride blade on curve, would you still love me? If I didn’t stay up late night on the phone with you, would you still love me? If I didn’t motivate you to apply for your dream job, would you still love me? If I didn’t give up my first time between the sheets, would you…still love me? If I didn’t give up little pieces of me to be with you, would you still love me? If I didn’t fall in love with your potential, would you still love me? If I wasn’t so beautiful, would you still love me? If I self-destructed…over and over again…would you still love me?
I wanna be with you. That’s what they told me. Leaving a trail of broken hearts and a sea full of tears. I realized while maybe the problem had everything to do with them…it also had everything to do me. I never took enough time…to just love me. I never took enough time…to stop rushing. And for what? Because I was lonely. I wanna be with you. Yeah, baby. I wanna be with me. Because truth is…what if my soul is not meant to mesh with someone else? What if my soul can only be free to be with me?
Keep it a hundred, I’d rather you trust me than to love me. Because as unpredictable as the wind, you’ll never know what you’ll get with me. But if you don’t do anything else…you can trust me. If you can’t do anything else…you can cry with me. If you won’t do anything else…give me your demons and share with me your dreams. And trust me…just like fire, I’ll burn…to put a smile on your face, to make you happy, to make you free. Trust me, but don’t love me…don’t love me unless I love me. Don’t love me…until you love you. Don’t love me…until our dreams come true.
There is nobody, no one to outrun me. Because I’m always on top…so why did I expect anyone to do that for me? It seems as if…every time I try to be with somebody, I really don’t know how to be with that body…without giving up too much of me. Is is possible that I’m just that loving? Or perhaps there’s more to me that needs discovering? I will never bring into my life another being…without first consulting…me. So give me a run for my money. I need more than just dates, gifts, and money. I need you to be a partner…that if I motivate you, you’ll elevate me. I had that once. And what’d I do? Except find a way to ruin things. Just love me. I make mistakes. That’s true. I’m not perfect. That’s true, too. But, if I’m worth it…if my imperfect is worth it…then love me. Be my friend. Be my rock. Be the person I call the next time I’m having a meltdown and crying. Be there for me. But if you see fit to leave…if you think I’m too much to handle…if you can no longer support me…thank you. For everything. And thank you for leaving me. Because I love me. I wanna be with me.
Just love me. Hurt people hurt people. I never meant to hurt anyone. I never meant to leave. But, let’s be real…if I am you and you are me. I hurt you…and none of you were innocent. You took my love for granted. You hurt me. You downright played me, so you left…never saying a word to me. You, maybe, got tired of waiting…so you left, never saying a word to me. You…didn’t make me a priority…so I left, choosing me. You all…consumed me. And I let you…I let you, because I wanted to give all of me…to make all of you happy.
Just love me. I wanna be with me.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7