Week 2, Day 5: My Heaviest Burdens

To enlighten someone on this journey, I’ve decided to share my personal burdens at this present moment in hopes that someone is inspired to keep pushing.

1) PEOPLE’S VALIDATION! This has to be my worst one…because I’ll live to put on this facade just to make myself seem more than I appear, putting me in this life filled with lies. I can’t count how many times I’ve lost something or someone just because it didn’t meet OTHER people’s expectations. I can’t point out how much I’ve tried to be in the limelight just to be…IMPORTANT. But, through my storms, I’m learning I don’t have to be anything or anyone but ME. I don’t have to create these elaborate stories just to make my life seem more “glamorous”. I don’t have to put down others just to play UP myself. Over this past year, it’s been a roller coaster yet a humbling experience in realizing that my life is valuable. I am worthy by just being ME and so are you. My happiness should not and will no longer be dependent on what people think of what I’m doing, who I choose to fall in love with, or what I choose to do everyday. My happiness is MY happiness.

2) Being Perfect! I constantly struggle with my mistakes, even the most simple mistakes. Inside of my mind, I get so caught up with being this “perfect woman”…better yet, striving to be this “Proverbs 31 woman” and yes, while it may be attainable one day. I can’t be hard on myself now when I make mistakes everyday. I have to accept that I’m going to mess up. I’m going to lie without thinking about it. I’ll sit in the gossip. I’m going to hurt someone’s feelings unconsciously. I’ll take that occasional drink and I’ll make crude jokes that I don’t mean but I say them just to laugh. I do some wrongs each and everyday but I also have a LOT of RIGHTS that make me ME…flaws and all. But that does not change my heart and all the love for others in it. I’m selfish. I’m impulsive and that’s fine…but that’s me. I can’t continue to beat myself up when I make a mistake each day. It’s time to accept each mistake and love them at the same time. Because isn’t it our mistakes that MAKE us? How can we stay standing if we don’t continuously fall? Take one day at a time on this journey towards progress but it’s time to embrace being perfectly imperfect. 

3) WALLS WALLS WALLS. Everyone has gone through a absolute HORRID breakup. I spent 3 years going through one…and while it was absolutely…definitely TERRIBLE. It has allowed me to clearly and confidently finally see myself as a Queen. And while I’ve gained the self-esteem I should have had a long time ago, I’ve also gained the biggest burden…and that’s the now black walls built around my heart. And just when what seemed like the perfect match entered….I opted out because I don’t know how to FULLY tear the walls down. Maybe I’ll learn and maybe it’s going to take a while. But I do know…what’s meant to be will always be. And who’s meant to be your soulmate…will always come back. Walls are meant to come down. It just takes the right person, the right experience, and the right struggles to knock them down. Most importantly…it takes courage to put the effort in to knock them down. 
Peace, love, & blessings! 

Week 2, Day 4

Well guys…its been a slack week and my only piece of advice today as regards to our “burdens”…Let go & have fun. Because if I could make a point about anything…Life is suppose to be fun. It’s supposed to be filled with nights we don’t want to forget, laughs that make us cry, and people who are near and dear to our heart. Life. It has its burdens…but after this week, I know it has its fun too. Have fun y’all and remember, no matter what you’re going through…let the spirits put a smile on your face. You never know who’s watching. 

Lent 2016: My Experience

You’ve heard it and you’ve seen it time and time before. Millions of people gather in church and after Ash Wednesday, they’re “giving up” something in order to recognize the sacrifice Jesus made for our sins. And I did it too. In fact, this year I decided to give up fast food and drinking alcohol. While this seems mediocre, I still gave in a few times (and felt extremely bad afterwards I must say). This weekend allowed me some time to think…lent season is not about WHAT we give. It’s about HOW we give. I realized, personally, I gave up two things that (even though I caved in) wasn’t a real “sacrifice”. I truly could have done without, therefore it leaves me questioning…was Lent really a challenge? 

Yes. Despite my “sacrifice”, Lent has taught me about repentance. Now I’m no perfect Christian (there isn’t one). Often times, I’m the one in the crowd saying “Yasssssssss” loudly.  Sometimes, I’m the one constantly cracking crude jokes. Or maybe you’ll even catch me rapping to any song with a good beat. That’s all me but before Lent started,  I prayed and told God I was ready for whatever He brought my way. I was ready to go through whatever necessary to become a better woman. I guess you get what you pray for, because my storm came and it’s still here. And boy…it shook me! My conscience was shaking me and Lent? Lent showed me the gift of forgiveness. It taught me the true meaning of repentance. God loves us so much…He cherishes us so much, that He already forgave us. We know not what we do and what we will do but He already knows. And I count my sins already forgiven. As the 40 days progressed, I began to sink. And I was drowning, deeper and deeper each day. But just like any other storm, God still brought out the sun in the midst of the rain. And He saved me…and He brought me to this challenge. Because there are others…you don’t need to be burdened with guilt. You need to enjoy the life we are blessed with now. You need to find your purpose. You need to be filled with the joy that only the spirit brings. 

This was my experience in 2016. It was never about what I gave up. It was truly about growing in God’s love. 

No matter what higher power exists in your life, connect to it & believe that it is not here to punish you. It does not exist to see you unhappy. Let the power bring you joy and light your soul on fire. Let the power enlighten your world and give you all of your hearts desire.